another discovery.

First up, to explain why i did not quit yet.

Because they are experiencing very peak period from now till after CNY, therefore i could not bring myself to be so irresponsible to throw things back to them at this critical period.

Part of me thought of e bonus, thought of e 1yr experience.

Anyway… yea… wad new discovery????

It’s not just that i have to face stress from external suppliers, other depart’s colleagues… but oso my own one…

Well, u know… i’ve been telling that my colleagues are damn nice ppl n nice to me.

Yes they are.

But, it’s just a little unfortunate that the 2 AP teammates of mine… is… a bit… too… emotional?????

It’s really hard working with them sometimes..

Not that they r bad ppl. they treat me very well too.. just that.. when it comes to work…

U know, one single person emotional or bad mood, it just causes everyone, esp those who liases with you, to be in bad atmosphere…

Yes it’s not really their fault.. But, i just dunno why most HUMAN just don’t think in a general view…

Even though i dio scolding from suppliers for NTH, even though i have to see other depart’s colleagues faces & attitude for NTH oso, even though one little thing, i have to find several ppl coz they play BALLS with me, pushing responsibility to here n there,

I SERIOUSLY DID NOT SHOW ANY BAD MOOD WHEN I’M BACK TO MY TABLE.

I seriously did not AFFECT anyone beside me.

I dunno… maybe i think too much that i really does not have much temper on me.

But, dunno leh.. u see…

If my mentor breaks down or suddenly very fed up, she will become very emotional that… it causes our whole depart’s office area to become 死气沉沉.. everyone afraid of her emotion…

Then it’s like, very stress that i feel lor..

The worse is, the other one oso like that.

Sometimes she just flare up or get very agitated so so so easily that she will un-intentionally place it on other ppl.. Like if she is agitated, if anyone talks to her, she just replies in a super angry face with a super angry tone that i will seriously felt hurt becoz it’s got nth to do with me ma.

But, thks to someone, i’ve been soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo USED to this kind of thing that i won’t take it to mind although i just felt like crying everytime.

DUnno leh. Since when, i’m always the 出气筒 of people.

SO, it’s like.. sometimes i felt very very suffocated. Because ok i’m piled with tons of work, which i can’t touch much during working hrs coz of damn phone calls n payment problems, but at least at any time of my life, with people around or communication with people, i just want to have SMILES on my face and keep my mood light all e time.

Even that day whereby i broke down n cried, i did not make e atmosphere bad after tat… Even though i’m VERY fed up with those ppppl outside who keep pushing things ard, but i did not 出 any 气 on anyone, even with those ppl who causes it..

No point lor.. Really. haix…

三天两头 emotional & suddenly very touchy (aka easily agitated n bad mood), i really really really feel… stressed.

Stressed that i have to be afraid of their emotion, yet i have to liase with them becoz our work are related.

Stressed that i can’t laugh or talk as freely as normal becoz, scare that will agitate dao them…

oh……………no………..

today, there was a meeting for our depart..

1st was briefing on property tax, then a short explaination of CA & IBA.. -.- tax………………………..

After tat discussed abt from now onwards till CNY de peak period planning..

After tat our XXPL team stayed back to discuss..

Whole meeting takes 3.5hrs.

Well, i was planning to tender on this Fri already.

I know my bosses are trying their best to help us out by giving us a lot solutions to implement.

For eg

a very big nuisance part of my work is suppliers & sub-cons kept calling to chase payment..

Now they implement a way that they call us, we give them a rough date/period that maybe they’ll get their payment, then must tell them ‘DON’T CALL ME WITHIN THESE FEW WEEKS COZ EVEN U CALL ME AGAIN I ALSO TELL YOU THE SAME DATE’

The workload wise, they add in another colleague to help us a bit. He will help us to handle a few specific suppliers, but cannot give him too much coz he have his own various accs to handle too.

But from now onwards, it’s very very busy alr.

Coz Oct’s closing of sep a/cs, AP have to close by 7th Oct.

Dec’s closing of nov a/cs, must close by 6th Dec, which is a saturday. This one.. haix… Coz end nov n 1st dec i’ll hav to take leave for exams.

Jan’s closing of Dec a/cs, must close by …

In between hav to entertain autditors in dec n jan, which i alr being told that they’ll be SUPER irritating. Any invoice that they wan to see, we hav to DIG out for them.

Then got instruction that by 20th Jan must issue all cheques.. Think is fengshui things de la.

We will FREEZE PAYMENT for 2 weeks, starting from end of dec.

Then after closing on jan, will rush all payments that is due, then on 9th jan put up for boss’s payment approval, then by 16th cheque out ask supplier to come n collect latest by 20th.

They did mention that, near closing tat saturday i think now is a ‘must’ to come back to rush liao, then for super peak like dec n jan, think even SUNDAY have to come back to work after my church lor..

Can u imagine if i reali quit, how are they goin to cope? A new comer needs few mths b4 he/she can do the things well enough.

And they reali r trying hard to help me in my work le.

It’s against wad a human should do if i reali quit now, whereby peak has started.

Maybe some will only say i very stupid y still dun wan quit. Even sundays hav to come back liao.

But, if u’re in my shoes.. My colleagues are all damn nice to me, and now that they spent so much time helping me to lessen my nuisance calls n workload….

Is quitting at the most peak period that i can use to repay them for being so kind n thoughtful?

I don’t think so..

I won’t be able to leave in peace de lor.

Last week of Nov will have a temp coming to help us.

They’re thinking of hiring a Uni student.. coz Uni holiday during tat period.

oh no~

dammit.

today, my asst.fm asked me to her desk, sat beside her n started asking me wad are my problems.

so i told her..

i kept doing n doing, i brought home a lot to do, but i still can’t accomplish a lot of things, as in, my things are like stuck n cannot process e cycle..

then.. discuss discuss..

i suddenly cry.

lol

cry all e way till 6.30

-.-

she told me, unless urgent, don’t bring home work to do..

they’re trying to help me in my workload, suggesting n implementing lots of solutions that they can think of..

I know that they sincerely doesnt wants me to be so stress or even leave, although most of them doesnt know that i’m quitting by this week.

They are trying their best to help me think of a lot of ways..

My frenz told me maybe i could try out one more mth since they implement these new solutions..

I dunno…

I reali dunno………….

Why is libra so frickled minded??

tsk…………………………………………………………….

E more mth i drag, e harder coz it’s peak next wk liao.

Tat means maybe die die i stay till CNY.

hoping for e bonus

 

so, maybe i reali dun bring home work to do from now on?

but, i believe, e ultimate most, is 1yr for me.

i dunno if i can..

I dunno if i can accept when my new company…

can’t talk shout n joke ard freely as i do now,

can’t listen to 933,

very quiet n serious..

 

but,

i’m goin to tender next week.

wa.. wo hen li hai

today my sec sch mate cried again.

i asked my mentor, 我很厲害，很能忍 hor??

hahahaha………………

i reali think so ma..

so many ppl keep crying in my office leh..

tsk tsk tsk………………………………………..

there’s soooooooooooooo much laughter together with so much tears.

but laugher is definitely much much more.

she cry oso becoz of accts leh, even though she’s not accts.

haix………..

all becoz of accrual list.

EVERY MTH OSO BECOZ OF ACCRUAL LIST.

hahaha…

u wanna say o.mg.?

Do u wan to say o.m.g? after knowing e extend that i hav to work till like that from my main blog.

haha..

Yesterday my mentor went to voice out to F.C n F.M that we cannot cope.. I think the prob is they can’t solve the problem de lor..

She say most prob we’ll have a discussion with them next wk abt this matter.. coz when F.C asked her what’s our problem exactly, she can’t answer too.

Seriously, i also don’t know!

I only know during office hours i never slack, i kept bringing things home to do, i OT, i go back on Sat, but all my things are still stuck n jam!!

U know, esp this mth, all my things are stuck. My normal routine de things all jammed. It’s a very serious thing..

We are closing aug’s accts, but till yesterday, one damn big pile of aug invoices haven match n key in at all..

Then all e invoices that i’ve keyed during last 2weeks, i should give out to QS for them to verified and file them, or settle them n file them, but it’s jammed too. My filling oso jammed.

I am suppose to do Supplier Reconciliation statement quarterly. Now is Sep alr, my June de i still can’t 交貨, end of sep must do SEP de liao lor.

I dunno if my management will think tat i did nth or not efficient or not.

Everything is jammed, ppl who dunno will only think that i did nth.

BUT, i really am working hard all e time, BUT, things just jammed!

Then my mentor oso chatted with me after work yesterday when we’re takin bus to bedok interchange..

Haix i know it’ll realli be a great disaster to them if i go, and e more i belive they won’t let me quit until next yr, coz P.E.A.K is coming.

Isn’t it VERY HILARIOUS, our situation now is still not P.E.A.K?!!!!!

O.M.G

do u wan to say O.M.G too????

I really have to take action, for e sake of my studies..

I dun even have the confidence to pass my Tax this sem..

Just as wad u all might not understand..

Everyday after work reach home alr so tired, sometimes hav to continue work, weekend, 哈哈哈, 總而言之, is really no energy left to do any bit of study……………………………….

Really don’t dare to imagine Jan onwards is 2 subjects, and subjects that is very hard (coz brenda n el took this sem, they alr feedback very hard, furthermore, they are not working)

I think no matter how 捨不得 i am to the colleagues here,

no matter how much i wan to 堅持下去,

i still have to take the action……………

E most i can take it is till after CNY. Maybe really stay one full year..

Which i think this is wad most prob will turn out lor..

Coz even my ex-colleague told me they won’t let me quit before peak.

Peak is till CNY lor.. From OCT this yr onwards..

I alr feel i am in PEAK alr, 竟然 still got PEAK period ahead..

today I alr tired till 哭不出來 liao.

i see e amt of things that i still can’t finish…

救命

sayo _ _ _ _????

Yes, i’ve given up.

曾經天真地以爲自己真的能夠忍受。。

I think my highest tolerance is really crying many nights every week for it.

During afternoon, i really made up my mind to quit.

But as hours passed, i started to think lots of it and am really struggling super hard.

The work detail has nth to be able to make me stay at all.

It’s just the environment n colleagues…

My colleagues are really S.U.P.E.R nice to me.. I’m e youngest, they all treat me like 妹妹 or 女兒.. seriously..

They are really super nice.. i believe there is NO OTHER CO. that will have this kind of colleagues le.. Coz we are really crazy n keep shouting, joking, i really behave totally like a KID in office de..

And my working environment is reali super good.. 933 whole day, have my very own big work station, freedom of work, super slack dress code..

I really very very very very very 捨不得 e colleagues and my 933!!! seriously, 933 is really very important to me.. i don’t want to 脫節 with all e new songs, entertainment news, etc etc..

But as i was on my way home, i think, no point me staying and keep hiding behind my blankets to cry so many nights every week.

And then i tell my parents i will quit, they disapprove of coz..

They just only will think that i will have no income. Esp my mom.

She still insist i don’t quit is only because she’ve never seen me crying all e time, never seen me struggling hard.

Then i sat down, explained to her lots of things, but excluding all my crying thing la.

I am sooooo impressive of my 忍功 leh.. many times during my explaination i really wanted to cry le. But i cannot cry in front of people. CANNOT!

Then finally they say, if i reali wan then quit lo.

Seriously, if not for i have to study, most prob i won’t quit. Becoz e colleagues are really too nice.. I really super 捨不得 them..

But, i cannot take it already..

This sem we took tax, which most of e things we’ve learnt b4, and only 1 subject. I know i really cannot handle if next sem onwards we’re taking 2 subject, and hard subjects.

If u see how hard i cry at nights, u will also ask me to leave.

I’m so stressed recently.

2nights ago i dreamt that becoz of work issue i’m being beheaded.

yesterday night i can’t sleep, and woke up 6 times during the night.

I’m really very sorry to leave, because it’ll bring a lot trouble to my managers as they had a hard n long time finding me to take this job.

It’ll be a great torture to my mentor to having to teach the one replacing me and if they cant find one, she have to take back all e workload and i know she’ll break down even more (FYI, recently she have been breaking down often in front of everyone.)

My desired plan is last day 21st Nov, coz 1st Dec got tax exam, so i can have one week to study, hopefully i can start work from 2nd dec onwards after the exam..

i dun even know if i can tahan till nov or not..

 

the prob is, i don’t think they will approve my resignation coz peak period is coming. if i go, my mentor sure cham..